she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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