Whoa Z and x make the same sound
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
