What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
