bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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