And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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