Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
