The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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