There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
