Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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