Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
