Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
