i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
