You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Even my vagina gasped.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
