Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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