How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
