I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
