i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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