she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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