when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
