listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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