Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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