How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
