can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
