Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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