On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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