Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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