And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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