I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
