So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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