He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
