I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
