Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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