I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
