chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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