My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
