is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the day after is always just damage control
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
