glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
