i may or may not be watching the land before time
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
