Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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