So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
