He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
