Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
