My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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