I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
