I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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