Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
