I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
