Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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