I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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