Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
a search helicopter?!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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