chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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